Question

My husband tells me there is no spark between us after 7 years of marriage!?

I have been married for 7 years now. My husband was in love with me and after getting to know him I started to like him and then to love him. We had a difficult life full of stress and money problems and everything. Through all these years I was supportive, we kind of grew together!...we had lots of fights but at the end he always told me he loved me and could never leave me. Sometimes he is SO kind, caring and loving that I feel I am the luckiest woman on the earth and sometimes I feel so alone and disappointed because of his words. His words kills me sometimes and recently he told me he thinks the HOT spot in our life is missing because we did not get marry out of love!...I thought we were in love but he says he married me because I had a good family and background!,....we do not have any problem in sex life but he always compares me to other woman and other beauties. He does not want to have children and I am 32 now , I do not want children at this time either because I do not want to bring a child to this life,...but I think he does not love me from his heart!...he said it himself many times but he can not do anything because of our families. He thinks they will be devastated...!...My youth is gone!...My dreams are gone!...I always listen to him what to do and what not to do and he seems that he can not get enough of anything!...Everybody tells me I am beautiful but sometimes he makes me feel ugly outside and inside...!

I feel like I have no energy anymore!...

Answers

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How can you say that your youth is gone? you're only 32! It sounds like he has taken away your energy. Perhaps couples counselling would be best to determine whether this relationship can be worked on or not. Feelings can come back with hard work. In the end, some people fall out of love with one another but still love each other and perhaps maybe being a part a little can make things clearer. Don't just stay with him because society has determined that "your youth is gone." There are plenty of single people in your age group who are looking for love. I know people say that people these days are quick to leave a marriage if things are not great all the time, but in the end, what is the point of staying in a marriage when one person is not happy! Maybe think of this as a good thing! It could have happened when you are 40 something with a child!

Maybe turn to your family for advice! They know you best! But don't ever settle for less because you are scared to go out in the world on your own. I would rather be alone than in a miserable relationship where I have to constantly please a man so he doesn't leave me!

My ex boyfriend told me he's not sure of his feelings for me and we were together for 6 years! He kept saying it the last year of our relationship and one time when we broke up for 3 months. And I couldnt take it anymore and I left! Because if someone tells you they're not sure if they're happy, then leave and maybe they will be more happy, but if they're not and realize they want you back, perhaps one shouldn't go back because it will be the same story in a couple of years!

Maybe start a new life, you seem to have lost your sense of self! Become your own person, and see if you actually want him in your life. Maybe move to a different place. That's my dream.

I wish you the best of luck!!

#1

your youth is not gone

#2

32 is still very young. It's obvious that your husband doesn't really love you. It's in your best interest to get yourself removed from your current situation and find someone who does and can love you and who wants to have children one day.

#3

No matter what you think, it's about sex. You can be having it 3 times a day, but there is something that he is missing in bed.

I hear women proclaim that sex is not the issue ALL the time... then I hear the husband talk and it pretty much boils down to sex. Women tend to think that if THEY are satisfied that their man is.

Also, most men will not tell you that you lack in bed because that is the fastest way to get even less sex.

I don't care why you got married... if you keep yourself looking attractive and you are amazing in bed, he would not leave you or say these things. He will simply say the safest thing he can without telling you that you suck in bed.

Being good in bed is in the details as much as in the quantity. We were swingers for years and my wife would 'do' everything that the other women would 'do' - BUT they would do things with a certain level of desire and sexuality that made sex with them FAR better than with my wife.

To this day she cannot tell the difference between sexual talent and going through the motions.

(forgive the explicit nature of this paragraph - but its the only way to convey the difference)

For instance... my wife would ASK... 'do you want me to swallow' and the other women would act like starving dogs and DEMAND to swallow. Both of them carried out the same actions but my wife was NOT into it enough to have it be effective.

'Sure, we can have sex anytime you want' is FAAAAAR different than 'I NEED sex NOW'. One says that you can take it or leave it... the other conveys DEEP desire for her man.

Both of these scenarios provides sex anytime the man wants, but the 'need it now' woman brings a lustful desire to the table.

I asked my wife to talk dirty... so she asks me questions... 'do you like it when I...'

That is NOT talking dirty although the topic is sex... it's not dirty talk.

Another woman who I meet for sex will call me out of the blue and tell me what SHE likes and how bad she needs me sexually. NOW THAT is dirty talk.

Bottom line: I would bet any money that you need to rethink how pleased your man is with sex. Not your version of his opinion... HIS OPINION.

A few simple changes to how you approach sex might change everything for him and in turn, take the pressure off the relationship.

#4

You are still young ..maybe its time to move on..you still have time to have children. I know it a hard choice to make but if he really feels this way ..u might just be wasting precious years ..Good luck.

#5

I know counteless amount of women who separated/divorced at approx 32 and within a year had met a new guy and were planning on having a baby / were pregnant.

So don′t worry about age and focus on wether he is the guy for you or not. If he isn′t, leave. If he is, fight for him.

#6

this relationship is draining you...you need to find yourself. Your husband is very controlling, he tells you these things to make you react a certain way and you do. You need to build your self esteem so that his words cant effect your well being. if you stay in this relationship because of what "others" may think about a breakup, then you are in for a long time of misery for all the wrong reasons. You have to make the choice for yourself of whats best for you and this marriage sounds like it is very toxic and not a very good one. You arent old and you havent lost your youth...but you feel that way because you are tired and it takes everything from you to deal with being there...my suggestion is for you to go find your life and build your self esteem so that you can enjoy being who you are without guilt. Hubby will either step up his game so that he doesnt lose you...or sink because he cant swim with the big dogs!

#7

Expiry date on women is 35, not 32, you have 3 years left better make the most out of it.

#8