Question

Suspect wife cheated on a business trip?

Sorry for the re post, just looking for more insight.

I'm suspecting that my wife cheated on a business trip that she flew to for one day (overnight Sunday night). I'm trying to be rational, avoiding conclusions and a divorce, however I'm pretty upset this happened. Here are the facts:

She went out and practically made herself over towards the end of last week (wax, nails, nice clothes/bras, etc) before the weekend. Fine, no big deal, I was glad she was finally doing things that made her happy. A few hours before she left, I snuck a pack of gum in her carry-on bag with a cute note (its an overnight trip and I normally sneak something useful in there that can come in handy like some gum, cash, etc.). Since the gum was on the bottom, I had to carefully remove some items. In the process I saw her silk PJ pants that she sometimes wears. However, instead of a t-shirt in side the neatly folded pants, there was some incredibly sexy lingerie that she packed with the matching thong (just to give you an idea a V-string barely anything there). She bought this for a special occasion that we celebrated like 8 years ago. So instead of a t-shirt to sleep in, there was lingerie neatly folded in the pants. Mind the fact that there isn't a t-shirt that she normally sleeps in. So basically she can either sleep topless in the PJ or in the lingerie/thong. Knowing how much she despises hotels, the lingerie is definitely not like her, along with sleeping without a t-shirt. Also she didn't know which hotel she was staying at before leaving (fine not a big deal, just a little odd since she's always known for other trips). I just thought that after having a kid and with things going so well for her career (albeit its quite stressful), that we were doing better. The biggest thing that gets me is that she never wears lingerie for me, its been years.

So she came back last night, all was good, and she went and showered after the flight. I thought that maybe I was delusion or something, so I checked the suitcase. I opened it up and the lingerie was stuffed to the side. So I tried to overlook the situation, but I just couldn't anymore. I confronted her later and said we need to talk. It looked like she had something to say. So I asked if anything happened in the city that she visited. She said no. Then I just flat out asked if she's having an affair or if she had a one night stand. She said no and asked why I was asking. I responded b/c of the lingerie, and how it was neatly packed - very premeditated. She responded that the pants were packed in the drawer and that she just grabbed it. She said everything was neatly packed since we recently moved. However, in our house, neatly packed is a pretty loose term. After 15 minutes of discussing and both of us getting upset, I said I believe her. She ended up getting upset and started crying b/c I came to this conclusion. I want to believe her otherwise the rest of our married life will not have any trust in it. However, this just doesn't add up, it's still bothering me. Its like we both called it a night in the end, both of us looked hurt, and went to bed. Here's the thing, she took an overseas business trip in March and packed for a week. Did she not use the same PJ's? Was lingerie packed in that bag as well, or there something specific about this trip?

What should I do, Any advice?

Answers

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Chris,

I am not saying your wife is cheating or not...BUT. Your intuition ususally says it all. Listen to your gut...

If she did not do anything, she probably would not have been crying and upset after you asked her about an alleged affair. She would have responded as an innocent wife, not feeling upset and defensive, but maybe even laughing as in: you've got to be kidding me!

BTW, women don't EVER wear lingerie or sexy panties to bed when they are sleeping alone, I know for sure that I don't. If anything, maybe a cute pajama set or leggings but NEVER anything with lace or tassels or such, they are uncomfortable to sleep in...

The hotel thing is super fishy...really.

Put the clues together, be more aware and figure out a conclusion to moving forward if she is cheating...and if she's not, then great....good luck! Really hope this helps.

#1

I am a wife and Mum who travels for business. I can't tell you how many times I've accidentally packed something that I normally would not for a work trip.

I believe her about the pj's and this is why. If you have something sexy that you don't want others to see if they need to go in your drawers it is typical to fold it into something else. In a hotel, I never just bring a t-shirt because if the alarm goes and I need to evacuate I don't want to be looking for pants. In pajama's you're already covered.

And, some trips I pack t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. It's not always the same 'travel pjs'

I ALWAYS shower after a flight....God knows what germs are in your system. When our son was tiny especially. I didn't want strangers germs moving to him. So, that makes complete sense.

Lastly, if the lingerie was stuffed to the side it was because she found it in the pants and they weren't needed.

I think you need to apologize and address this insecurity that has come up for you.

#2

Investigate further..that sounds really fishy to me..but.you have to gather concrete proof. Its enough to further investigate..go online and set up a keylogger on her computer..you can track text and passwords. If she is doing anything, its probably gonna show through email

#3

As far as I see it you now have two choices. You can dwell on this, let it keep churning inside, feel uneasy and maybe a tad hurt, keep feeling puzzled, maybe even confront her again to which I am positive you will get the same response and let it eat you up and ruin your relationship for God knows how long OR you can do your damn best to get over it and get on with your life. Why does your wife not wear the 'good' lingerie for you? When was the last time you two went on a trip together? When was the last time you made her feel special and sexy? It seems you both have the career and the kids, but what now? What are your life goals together? Try to concentrate on your future and make sure you're giving her what she needs at home. If she has strayed, there is nothing you can do about the past. Just make sure she has no need to in the future. Good luck.

#4

Now she knows you know there is something amiss.

Sit down and ask her to FORGIVE you. What's the truth is not relevant!

"Honey, I know I came to certain conclusions about your trip and I don't want to carry this burden anymore. I forgive you for it all. Will you forgive me?

And then SHUT UP!

You just empowered her with the ability to heal the relationship. AND you showed her what humble submission means. No matter what she says, you will feel WAY better. And if she did do anything wrong, she is the one that will now carry all that burden.

Not you!

This is the power of forgiveness!

#5

well she obviously packed the lingerie for a reason BUT that doesnt mean she is cheating on you.

Like someone else said on here, maybe she likes lingerie but is not comfortable wearing it in front of you, she might not be fully happy with her body (kinda like me) and dont really like wearing that sort of stuff in front of other people.. just myself.

im not sure why she started crying... there was a time long time ago my boyfriend accused me of cheating.. i didnt cheat but i was at another guys house and i was crying because i felt bad.

you should have checked the bottoms of the lingerie if they were a little hard then thats because she was turned on and they were soaked at one point, when they dry they get a little hard and the body fluids that were once on them tend to flake off, gross but true. mine always get like that when im turned on by someone.

and yes as CJ said that hotel thing was fishy.

#6

I think you made a mistake confronting her without some kind of proof. If she is innocent, you have hurt your relationship. If she is guilty, you have tipped her hand and she will be MUCH more careful in the future.

You should have went to a private detective to get your proof. But that's just me.

And, YES, I would have the same thoughts if my wife packed something like that. ACCIDENTALLY grabbing a thing like THAT is highly unlikely.

Sorry for your pain but you need to apologize now and act as if nothing is wrong.

Hire a PI.

#7

Both of you had a talk. She told you that nothing happened, so you should give her the benefit of the doubt. However if you still had a bad feeling about what happened, then you should keep your eyes and ears open. If she did something wrong, then she will definitely be acting differently. Look for the small nuances and see if she does anything out of the ordinary. Good luck

#8