Question

My boyfriend of 8 years won't commit to me, help?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for eight years now. We're both 25. However the other day he said to me he can't marry me. I feel devastated, he was the one. He tells me that he loves me very much and wants to be with me but can't marry me. We have a great relationship, so this doesn't made sense to me.

Also his family wouldn't really approve of me. Part of the reason he don't want to get married to me is because they won't accept me as his wife (we're both from ethnic backgrounds) he made it clear that he can't marry me because his family would disown him.

I love my boyfriend, but I don't think I could do anything more, he made it clear that his family comes first. Should I try to end it? Although that would be so hard because I love him.

Or should I remain as his girlfriend and wait and see what will happen, please advice? I know he loves me, but probably not enough?

Answer

It's time to move on sweetie. I know it hurts just thinking about it, but he will not put you first. You're still young and you deserve to be loved and married, not pushed to the way side because he's too afraid of his family to stand up for you. You don't want to end up his "baby mama" with no ring to show for it, while he gets married to some woman his parents find acceptable. Find some extra hobbies or ways to make yourself busy. Become involved in volunteer work or something to take your mind off of the pain of your relationship ending. You will find a man who will love and support you and put you and your needs first. It will take time but you will get over it and you WILL meet a new man who will put you on a pedastal. You're worth it. If he doesn't see that, too bad for him.

May 3 at 20:7

I can't believe he did that to you after 5 years! If he was any kind of man he would have let you know a long time ago that your relationship wouldn't lead to marriage and that his family will come first. Honestly your better off you don't want to be married to a guy who will not put your first and cannot stand up to his own family - seriously not the type of husband you deserve. Trust me he will never marry you, do not stay his girlfriend because his only using you until he marries someone his parents have chosen/approved of. Your only 25 you have plenty of time to find someone who won't waste your time and will be willing to fight for you.

May 3 at 23:53

He told you straight out that he will not marry you and that the relationship is going nowhere.

So, end it.

Begin again - move on.

May 4 at 4:3

You guys have different viewpoints. Just be thankful that you found this out now while you are still young. I am afraid that this relationship won't be very fulfilling for you in the long run. You will be the one losing out. He will use you until he meets someone that is "suitable" for him to marry and then cast you to the side and you will be crushed. You should move on.

He is really dumb in my opinion especially if he is just trying to appease his family.

May 4 at 8:35

Unfortunately, the answer is all too plain. He doesn't want to marry you, and his family will not approve of you. Time to move on to a relationship where these factors will not exist. Your relationship with this man was not meant to be permanent. He is not willing to stand up for you. He does not love you as you love him. No amount of threats or cajoling will fix this. Time to move on.

May 4 at 13:30

If you're positive the reason he won't marry you is because his family will disown him, and you know he will never choose to marry you and be disowned, as difficult as it sounds, I would try and get out the relationship. It would go nowhere, and you would always be left hoping that he'll propose one day, when that won't happen.

Sorry. I know how hard it is -- I hope everything works out for you.

May 4 at 18:48