Question

My husband treats me like Crap.?

He yells at me over petty things. For example last nite , we were watching House md show; and then came a time where by they were going to show a woman's leg being sewed off. I didn't want to watch that part of the show because it disgusted me and we were eating. So I switched it to another channel for 30 seconds, boy he nearly bit my head off. He stood up and was yelling at me;while food mixed with spit splashed on my face. He was like I told you not to change the channel but you still changed it despite of me telling you not to. Or better yet, You could have left the room with your food. This is the guy am married to. Earlier I cooked the food for 21/2 hrs and this how I get treated in return. I guess he has taken me for granted because if he hadn't then he wouldn't treat me like this.

The other thing he doesn't sleep with me either.He hasn't slept me with me even once. Iam circumsized and i need medical attention. This going to cost at least 5000, if not more. He knew all this before hand or got married to me. He always makes excuses of being tired and feeling sick to his stomach. For a circumzied woman it takes longer to get a hole down there. If one puts in the time, it is possible to get the vagina stretched. I can't believe it. We just got married on Dec 5th of 09. Please anyone Do you think I made a big mistake for marrying him. He has anger issues.I can't joke with him either . He gets mad quickly.

I can't divorce either because am a muslim woman and only man can divorce a woman in my religon. The only way is for me to leave him and prove it to an imam ( priest) that I wasn't living with him fo like 2 yrs then the preist can grant me a divorce.

Please help me . I will appreciate any advice you give me. Thanks in advance.

Answer

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If you are a victim in an abusive marriage and you choose to remain in that marriage, you should think like the householder with their fire plan.

Know what to take and how to travel; and where to go at a moment's notice. If the abuse starts or you believe is about to start, have your emergency plan ready to roll. It could mean the difference between life and death.

You could start a separate bank account which you can access immediately. You need a mode of transport and a friend or relative might be on call for that. Make sure you provide for the removal of your children in a calm and orderly fashion. If you have a good friend in a neighbor, have them help in your emergency. They could call the police, provide you with shelter or a car. The alternative for the victim is to end the marriage and find somewhere safe.

Be warned that if you take action such as leaving or involving the police or others in support of your case, you may trigger a violent response from your partner. Assume the worst and be meticulous in your planning.

May 19 at 19:46

First off, if you want out, call a women's shelter for assistance. There are great programs in place to help you find inner strength as well as a secure place to reside / relocate. A call to emergency services (i.e. 911 / 999 or whatever it is where you're located) and they may be able to help expedite the process. I think a lot of it will depend upon which country you're located in. I know that your circumcision is causing a lot of stress too, but you will need to get this looked at urgently, as there are life threatening risks if untreated. Although it may cost a lot, the women's shelter, red cross or other similar organization will help get you the treatment you need often without cost. In muslim marriages the woman has very little rights. The one thing they can't take from you is the empowerment to choose to make decisions for yourself and if you want out then you may have to make a very difficult decision and leave, without taking anything with you. But the leaving of everything may open up the opportunity for you to gain everything. You may want to consider asking the help of your father, who may have the power to release you from the bonds of marriage if it has not been consummated. It might be worth looking into. Perhaps you could also ask him to divorce you.

However, the most important thing right now is to get treatment, and you may have to go to emergency services for help and protection.

Good luck!

May 19 at 23:32

I agree with the first person that it's not right for any religion to keep you in an abusive marriage. This can't be what God really wants for you life. God wants our husbands to love us as they love themselves.

Did he have these anger issues before the marriage? If so, maybe you should have talked to the priest before getting married. Sometimes us women then we can change a man because we marry them. Not so. They will only change if they want to change. You've only been married for 5 months and already he is treating you like crap. You don't want to be 10 years into this marriage with kids trying to get out. You need to go talk to your priest and see what his suggestions would be. Maybe marriage counseling. Whatever the solution, it needs to be found immediately. Good Luck :)

May 20 at 3:42

You turned off the program at a crucial point (I watched the episode last night as well) and I'd be furious if someone turned the TV off too instead of leaving the room so you didn't have to look at it. That was rude of you.

I don't know if you made a mistake marrying him...do you think you did? If you don't love him and don't wish to remain married to him then leave and then file for divorce after two years once you can prove to the priest you have lived separately for 2 years.

May 20 at 8:14

you need to leave him. i know it's hard but what he's doing is not right but only you can be responsible for this. he will keep abusing you and treating you bad unless you give him a good reason to change.

May 20 at 13:9

You cannot divorce but you can leave him, who cares about a piece of paper, he can shovel the marriage certificate up his Muslim anal for all I care.

Just get your things and leave and start a decent life, you are not going to jail for doing that.

May 20 at 18:27

He sure is not much of a husband. I am so sorry your religion is so cruel to woman. This is a crime in my eyes. I feel so sorry for you. I hope U can get a divorce, and better luck with another husband.

May 21 at 0:8

Leave, stay separated for two years and then get your divorce.

He sounds like the kind of guy who ALWAYS has to have it his way, and he also sounds like the type who isn't happy unless you're cowering in fear.

You should only honor your husband IF he is honorable.

May 21 at 6:13