Question

Why does he freak out when I don't answer my phone...?

A few times when my husband calls me, I either don't hear my phone, I am either busy doing things with my kids at the time, or sometimes I am in the middle of something where I can't get to the phone right that second.

So this morning my husband called me a few times and I saw the missed calls.

I was either showering, getting my son ready for school, feeding my daughter etc.

I called him back and he didn't answer.

So he called again and I didn't pick up. I was out shopping this morning and I left my phone in the car.

Anyways.

Finally when I had a chance to call him back, he was furious.

He flipped out on me for not answering my phone fast enough when he calls. I mean, I called him back each time I saw a missed call from him, only he didn't answer it either so he would call me back.

Anyways.

He is so mad I didn't answer his calls that he hung up on me the last time we talk which was 30 minutes ago.

There are times when I am talking to someone else, or talking to the neighbors and I will "ignore" his calls until I am done talking and I call him back.

Also, when I am already talking to someone else on the phone and he intercepts my call, I will quickly tell him I will have to call him back because I am talking to someone else. He flips out over this too, because I told him i am talking to someone else.

Its like he needs to get off his high horse and realize he's not the only person in my life.

Now..

My husband has a very public job and he sometimes works long hours even overnight.

He worked on New Years and I tried calling him after midnight and he wasn't answering his phone.

He answered at 4am.

He said he didn't know who was calling him because I was calling him from my mom's house phone. My mother had just changed her number so he didnt know who was calling him.

I literally redialed 100 times in hopes he would answer because I was terrified something had happened to him.

I think I have more right to be mad at him when he doesn't answer his phone then he does because he has a dangerous job, and sometimes when I call in the middle of the day there will be times when he wont answer my calls then.

Now he is really pissed at me for not answering.

He says he hates it.

Well, I hate it when he doesn't answer his phone when he works over night.

How rational is it that he is so mad at me now knowing how incredibly busy my mornings are.

My phone is the last thing on my mind and with two small kids, I even often forget to bring it with me.

What is his deal?

Knowing that he isn't perfect when it comes to answering his phone, I think he should give me a break and not act like a little kid.

Your thoughts?

Answer

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I've read enough of your questions to come to the conclusion that your husband is an insecure, immature control freak.

He's trying to keep tabs on you and when you don't answer your phone, he's no longer in control. You don't even realize this is a form of abuse...

Jan 19 at 12:57

It is possible that he cheating on you, and when you dont answer your phone he thinks your are with another man. Maybe you need to have a serious talk and figure out what is going on.

Jan 19 at 16:43

Honestly i would say that maybe he gets mad when you do not answer your phone because he might be doing something he is not suppose to be doing, and seeing you don't answer he thinks you might be doing the same thing. Clearly its trust issues here so talk about it, and if he is fooling around then you would know what to do from there.

Jan 19 at 20:52

I think you two obviously have some big trust issues that need to be worked out.

Or maybe you both need to grow up, realize you're married, and understand that a cellphone is NOT an electronic leash, it is there for your convenience. If you don't answer eachothers calls it shouldn't be a big deal...it should only be an issue if those calls aren't returned for hours on end.

Jan 20 at 1:25

Ok here is my take on this whole thing and it could actually be a few things really. First if you two called each other a lot and spoke on the phone alot and always answered each others calls from dating through marriage through the two kids he may now be feeling like he is not important to you and everyone else is more important. He basically feels neglected.

When a man feels neglected and also women their mond wanders and he may think you are seeing someone because you are not as redily available as you use to be. The key to any good and lasting relationship is communication. My suggestion to you is to sit down with him this evening and ask him why he gets so upset when you don't answer and what his concerns are and vice versa. at least that way you will know the real issue and you both can clear the air and maybe come up with a solution that you both ca deal with when it comes to missed calls and unanswered calls.

Jan 20 at 6:20

I too am getting my two kids ready for school and tending to a new born in the mornings so I know just how busy things can get.

If my husband calls and I miss a call I as well will just call back later.

And like your husband my husband works over night at times and I too will call but luckily my husband almost always answers the phone.

What I would do is tell your husband that he needs to TRUST you.

He is either doing something that he shouldn't be doing when he is away that is why he doesn't answer his phone and then tries to push the blame on you or he is insecure about the relationship at times since it sounds as though the two of you spend ample time away from each other.

My husband gets insecure at times if I do not answer my phone at times because at times we spend a week apart due to his job.

I would talk to him about it and see why he does this. Also make sure when you do talk you give him reassurance. Women are not the only ones that need it.

Good Luck!

Jan 20 at 11:38

people like you two shouldn't be allowed to have cell phones, so there's only one way of contact, which would be the house phone. if you're out then you're out, there's no reason for him to be mad.

Jan 20 at 17:19

My fiance does that, when calls me and can't get through its like, what were you doing, where are you etc, he just hates calling anyone and hearing voicemail or the phone ringing off the hook. I'm not sure but I think when men get hurt in life they have these insecurities about them.

Jan 20 at 23:24