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I am not saying your wife is cheating or not...BUT. Your intuition ususally says it all. Listen to your gut...
If she did not do anything, she probably would not have been crying and upset after you asked her about an alleged affair. She would have responded as an innocent wife, not feeling upset and defensive, but maybe even laughing as in: you've got to be kidding me!
BTW, women don't EVER wear lingerie or sexy panties to bed when they are sleeping alone, I know for sure that I don't. If anything, maybe a cute pajama set or leggings but NEVER anything with lace or tassels or such, they are uncomfortable to sleep in...
The hotel thing is super fishy...really.
Put the clues together, be more aware and figure out a conclusion to moving forward if she is cheating...and if she's not, then great....good luck! Really hope this helps.
I am a wife and Mum who travels for business. I can't tell you how many times I've accidentally packed something that I normally would not for a work trip.
I believe her about the pj's and this is why. If you have something sexy that you don't want others to see if they need to go in your drawers it is typical to fold it into something else. In a hotel, I never just bring a t-shirt because if the alarm goes and I need to evacuate I don't want to be looking for pants. In pajama's you're already covered.
And, some trips I pack t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. It's not always the same 'travel pjs'
I ALWAYS shower after a flight....God knows what germs are in your system. When our son was tiny especially. I didn't want strangers germs moving to him. So, that makes complete sense.
Lastly, if the lingerie was stuffed to the side it was because she found it in the pants and they weren't needed.
I think you need to apologize and address this insecurity that has come up for you.
Investigate further..that sounds really fishy to me..but.you have to gather concrete proof. Its enough to further investigate..go online and set up a keylogger on her computer..you can track text and passwords. If she is doing anything, its probably gonna show through email
As far as I see it you now have two choices. You can dwell on this, let it keep churning inside, feel uneasy and maybe a tad hurt, keep feeling puzzled, maybe even confront her again to which I am positive you will get the same response and let it eat you up and ruin your relationship for God knows how long OR you can do your damn best to get over it and get on with your life. Why does your wife not wear the 'good' lingerie for you? When was the last time you two went on a trip together? When was the last time you made her feel special and sexy? It seems you both have the career and the kids, but what now? What are your life goals together? Try to concentrate on your future and make sure you're giving her what she needs at home. If she has strayed, there is nothing you can do about the past. Just make sure she has no need to in the future. Good luck.
Now she knows you know there is something amiss.
Sit down and ask her to FORGIVE you. What's the truth is not relevant!
"Honey, I know I came to certain conclusions about your trip and I don't want to carry this burden anymore. I forgive you for it all. Will you forgive me?
And then SHUT UP!
You just empowered her with the ability to heal the relationship. AND you showed her what humble submission means. No matter what she says, you will feel WAY better. And if she did do anything wrong, she is the one that will now carry all that burden.
This is the power of forgiveness!
well she obviously packed the lingerie for a reason BUT that doesnt mean she is cheating on you.
Like someone else said on here, maybe she likes lingerie but is not comfortable wearing it in front of you, she might not be fully happy with her body (kinda like me) and dont really like wearing that sort of stuff in front of other people.. just myself.
im not sure why she started crying... there was a time long time ago my boyfriend accused me of cheating.. i didnt cheat but i was at another guys house and i was crying because i felt bad.
you should have checked the bottoms of the lingerie if they were a little hard then thats because she was turned on and they were soaked at one point, when they dry they get a little hard and the body fluids that were once on them tend to flake off, gross but true. mine always get like that when im turned on by someone.
and yes as CJ said that hotel thing was fishy.
I think you made a mistake confronting her without some kind of proof. If she is innocent, you have hurt your relationship. If she is guilty, you have tipped her hand and she will be MUCH more careful in the future.
You should have went to a private detective to get your proof. But that's just me.
And, YES, I would have the same thoughts if my wife packed something like that. ACCIDENTALLY grabbing a thing like THAT is highly unlikely.
Sorry for your pain but you need to apologize now and act as if nothing is wrong.
Hire a PI.
Both of you had a talk. She told you that nothing happened, so you should give her the benefit of the doubt. However if you still had a bad feeling about what happened, then you should keep your eyes and ears open. If she did something wrong, then she will definitely be acting differently. Look for the small nuances and see if she does anything out of the ordinary. Good luck