Funny quotes

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◆ If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
- Cassandra Clare101
◆ If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'
- 101
◆ Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
- 100
◆ A lion wouldn't cheat, but a tiger wood.
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◆ Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
- Sharon Stone100
◆ I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.
- 100
◆ I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: 'What do you do at a red light?' Me: 'I usually respond to texts and check my Facebook.'
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◆ Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
- 100
◆ That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know you're screwed.
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◆ My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.
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◆ The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
- 100
◆ Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'
- 100
◆ It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
- 100
◆ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!
- 100
◆ Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
- 100

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Funny quotes, classical sentences quotes about funny, quotes for funny words, the best funny quotes collection by famous authors and comedians. Join the fun with our Funny Quote of the Day on the web, Facebook and blogs.

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