Question

Is this boring? Opinions please...?

I've just written the beginning chapter to a story (it's not very long) and I'm unsure about its quality. Could you tell me your opinion please? Should I continue this story line? And also, do you like the clip-clopping at the beginning of the story? Please don't spare my feelings. Thanks in advance:)

Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.

Clip-clop.

Clip-clop.

Clip.

Clop.

Clip.

The horse drawn carriage stopped, startling Alicia out of her impassive state. The girl lazily opened one eye and looked around. Her celery green eye focused on the empty seat cushion across from her. A bit of anxiety pulsed through her and a second later both eyes were opened and fully alert. She glanced to her right and a pair of steely eyes stared right back at her. The slender, golden-haired girl jumped and abruptly stood up. The carriage door swung open and Alicia saw the man with the unfriendly eyes reappear. Oh, it's the man that I sat across from today. She relaxed a little, but the man still scared her. Warily, Alicia stepped out of the carriage and into the late evening sun.

"Alicia! You're here!" a voice shouted.

Who was that? Royden? No, it couldn't be him. He would never leave Rockford for this place. Nevertheless, her heart began to beat faster and she turned around wildly trying to locate the boy who was calling her name.

"Alicia!"

She looked to the left and in complete incredulity said, "Royden? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

Instead of answering, Royden closed the gap between them and put his arms around Alicia. The girl briefly looked surprised, but she recovered and returned the hug. The embrace ended and Alicia looked at her friend with a look of kindness, but also one of bewilderment.

"I don't normally act like this, do I?" Royden asked, reading the expression right off her face.

"No, you don't." Alicia chuckled. She looked closer at her friend. He'd grown a couple inches since she had last seen him, his face had thinned out a bit, his hair was still bright blond, but his normally joking golden- specked blue eyes were duller. "What's happened to you? Is it this place?" she asked quietly.

"No, no, this is place is fine. It's actually been kind of nice here. The normal bustle of court life is gone and you are left to dwell in your own mind out here. It's been these last couple months…" Royden paused and put his hand through his ear- length hair. He continued, "Well, you know, now that I'm seventeen I'm a big part of court affairs. I've been learning a lot about how my father rules his kingdom and all the stuff that comes with his position."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. There's a lot of stuff to learn and take in," Alicia nodded sympathetically. She really didn't have a clue about his problems. Her parents didn't include her in any of the court affairs; she was merely their daughter. She just sat, looking pretty, at meal times and for family portraits.

Someone cleared their throat. Alicia spun around and realized it was the man with scary eyes. What was he still doing here?

"Good evening, Lyulf," greeted Royden politely.

The man nodded back at him.

"Lyulf doesn't speak very often. It's part of The Code here," whispered Royden to Alicia.

He continued more loudly, "I think he wants us to go inside. It's dangerous out here after dusk. Let me get your bags for you."

Royden climbed into the carriage and reappeared moments later with Alicia's baggage. Side by side, they walked up the cobblestone path to the edifice. It was an odd structure, considering that most buildings were made of stone. The building was large and square, made entirely out of dark wood; a few feet away from each wall holding up the roof were stone pillars.

They passed under the large arched doorway, centered in the middle of the wall, and entered a silent, empty passageway softly lit by sconces. There were several other corridors branching off from the passageway all with lit sconces of their own adorning the walls. Royden turned into the second corridor on the right and Alicia followed. The silent pattering of their feet on the wood floors filled the silence.

"Is it always this quiet?" Alicia asked. This place was the polar opposite of Glenavon Castle, her boisterous home.

"It is," he affirmed. "There aren't very many people here. Counting us, there are about 30 or so people who live here. But there are only two of us; the rest of the people here are completely dedicated to The Code."

Alicia was bursting with questions to ask her friend, especially about this Code, but Royden stopped walking and said, "This is my room," pointing at a door on the right. "And this is your room," he said as he pushed the wooden door opposite his room inward.

The room was constructed in the same manner as the rest of the building; it was a small square w

Answers

It's very good, but the clip-clop bit attracted my attention. You can put it like this; The horses feet pattered on the pavement as it strolled. something like that. its just that the clip-clop bit sounds children's story. Its a very good idea if it is a children's story, but if it isn't then you might want to change it. (: other than that i loved every bit of it! i thought it was really good! you should continue writing on with it! (: good luck and have fun!

Read and answer mine? (:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnNM6ORLeBtv3WEtcPnIbNLty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100610202813AAKnof2

or

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArnpBbRb6.OANwT3_TMDVu_ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100610235627AAODPJY

#1

It is vewry interesting but the into of

Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.

Clip-clop.

Clip-clop.

Clip.

is over using onomonopia

#2