Question

Is it wrong to be jealous of other peoples lives, their happiness, what they have, when ive had to endure?

pain, trauma, victimization throughout my life, have never made any friends, never had a girlfriend or been in a relashionship, im very lonely, ive never been employed, im 30 now, have borderline personality disorder...im on a waiting list for therapy, i live in the uk, but eventually want to emigrate and build a new life.....but meanwhile i live in an apartment on my own, feel socially excluded, feel cut off, and i feel bitter and angry and resentfull of other peoples lives and what they have...

and i see what other people have all around me, i see their smiles and laughter everywhere. when you browse myspace profiles, when you watch tv, when i go outside amoungst others......its like people are really rubbing the salt in....

can anyone see what im saying here?

Answers

'Wrong to be jealous' ~

Not wrong, but futile, a waste of energy but seemingly natural.

However, it means your focus is in error ~ turned outwards instead of inwards and in dealing with what you can do something about.

If you want to emigrate and build a new life, then - you need skills to do that, just the same as if you were to go somewhere and build a new house. Do you have the skills ~ for building anything!

No disrespect intended, but you paint yourself as having no skills at all, so it seems to me to be a good idea if you were to do something about gaining the skills you need - for building a house or a relationship and or a future.

As understandable as it might be, the need is to look at what you can do, not at what you cannot do. Perhaps a D.E.A. at a Job Centre could help / advise you on what's available.

They are a whole lot better than they used to be.

I wish you Good Luck.

Sash.

#1

It all depends on what soul lessons you are here to learn. Now, instead of looking outwardly for happiness, fulfilment, security, and everlasting joy, why not start to look within? It's time to build up your inner being.

I would suggest you learn relaxation of mind and body, let go of all anxieties, find a quiet place within, be thankful for what you do have in life. You need to find that deep awareness inside you that gives you peace and joy, and then all else will be added. I can suggest, while you are relaxed, to say quietly, "Divine Peace Fills Me" or "Divine Love Fills Me", and repeat it twenty times. You will be tuning into your higher consciousness.

If you want friends, learn to be a friend. If you want love, learn to give love. BE the light that shines in other people's lives, become more positive, inspired, hopeful. Remember, if we are always looking at the mud we won't be able to see the stars.

Long ago I used to think about people's lives just like you do. Then I thought what would they feel if everything they own was taken away from them such as family, friends, or living through a flood or earthquake, etc., just how much could they endure, pick up and go on to be happy in life? So, when everything is taken away from you, what are your values then? It's an important point because if you learn to find your strength in your higher Self, nothing can assail you from without. This is wisdom.

#2

"Wrong" is a social ideology that assumes that if someone is jealous, he might be so unstable that he could just snap and kill the one he's jealous at, taking everything he has. And that's pretty 'immoral'.

On the other hand, it is a natural emotion. It's not wrong on a universal scale. It's bound for you to feel this way when all those tragedies occurred in your life. The best thing to do is not focus on others being happy and all that, but on you. Showing a middle finger to everyone that tells you that you can't do x because it offends their ideology. Also, if you are going to steal, murder, etc. Just be aware, that there are consequences to those actions. Not saying you should fear the law. But just obey it. It's counter-productive for you to be locked in a prison. It would add up to the tragedies. And the overall plan, just isn't worth it. The bigger the crimes, the harder they will search for you. And the lower the crimes, the lower the profits. Just go with what you can do, and work for yourself in the end. That's all you need to do. And reject your emotional scars as much as you can. Because depression is something that will bring you down. Just ignore it. And strive as hard as you can to get somewhere. Also, use intelligence as much as possible. Work smart, not hard.

#3

No it's perfectlly fine to be jeleous once in a while, everyone feels cheated in life now and then including myself; just don't let it consume you. I'm only 16 but I've also had a hard time being human and mantaining good relationships with people my entire life. I've resolved to not worry about how big an impact other people are in my life, since there are few that do, and worry more about myself and personal development, improving myself and the part I play in the world. Ofcoarse I still look forward to meeting one person I can truly be human with, and hopefully my personal debelopment will make me further ready for it.

#4

"Wrong" is the wrong word. Useless is probably the better one. It doesn't help you one bit. Let's tackle the stereotypes first. Just because you see people smiling and being happy on the outside doesn't mean their lives are a ray of sunshine. You have no idea what people are going through. They may have a situation much worse than yours, only they have chosen to be happy regardless or hide it very well. Two, things like myspace and facebook people tend to lie about all the time. Besides, a person that spends most of their time uploading pics and renewing their status can't be a very busy person anyway. Sometimes people want to appear more than what they are.

I get a lot of people that ask my advice on these types of things but ultimately the decision lies within you. Are you really here to seek life changing advice or are you here to just read and do nothing about it? You see, most of what you are envious about people have had to work for. Being happy is not a gift, it's a choice. Having a wonderful marriage isn't a given, it's work, and so on. If you want friends, great! Go talk to someone new. Invite a neighbor over. Want a girlfriend? Go out! or go online to get a date, you can find them there too. And I can see what you're saying in that you're in pain, but no one should be upset around you to make you feel more comfortable where you are. That's not really doing you any favors, is it? Being uncomfortable where you're at is GOOD. That means it's more likely you'll do something about it. The faster you admit that a lot of what you're going through is a product of your own choices and not a punishment from God or the universe or whatever, the faster things will get better. Best of luck!

#5

Other people will probably be jealous of you too, 30 years old and never had to work! Free on your own with your own apartment, don't have to share! It's a matter of perspective. Jealousy is rather pointless.

#6

Its only wrong for you because your jealousy adds to your pain and fuels your suffering all the more.You are clearly suffering enough without the jealousy.perhaps if you removed the jealousy your pain would lessen a little.

I wish you peace of mind.

#7

Yeah well have you ever thought that around half of the people you talk about are suffering things you can't even imagine? Some people would rather look at the bright side of everything. Or maybe they just don't want to sulk around and feel sorry for themselves

#8