Who can tell the best joke?

Who can tell the best joke?


If a transvestite goes missing, do they put his face on the half and half carton?

Go to mcdonalds. order a 6 piece nuggets. when the cashier gives it to you, open up the box and put 6 yellow marshmallow peeps inside it and close it. dont drive away from the window. when the person comes back to the window, hand it back and say "you guys gave me some uncooked nuggets"

Go to walmart, type *96 in one of the phones, and say "Attention walmart shoppers! All gay people please exit the building" and hang up

There were three guys in a forest.Then they were being attacked by cannibals.The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.The first guy comes back with 10 apples.Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your *** without changing the expression on yourface." So the guy shoves the first apple up his *** and then whinces. So the cannibals eat him.Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your *** without changing the expression on your face." So the guy shoves 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him. Then in heaven, the first guy says to the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"


One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.

After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"

"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.

"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"

"Wow, that's great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."

About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"

"I'm right hear Doc," he said.

"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"

"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."

A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"

"Right here docta," he said.

"Wonderful news! It's-"

"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11."


Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a br and new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

4 years ago

Additional Details

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my br other had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

4 years ago

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my br other was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!




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