A man was driving in the middle of nowhere down a secluded country road far from any cities. He got a flat tire, and got out to walk for help. After walking for some time, he came to a small stone monastery. He knocked on the door and roused the monks. "I've got a flat tire. Can I use your phone?" He asked.
The monks said they were sorry, but they did not have a phone. "If you stay tonight, you can get a ride on our wagon into town tomorrow," they said. So the man stayed the night, and they put him in a small room in the monastery.
In the middle of the night, the man was awakened suddenly by a noise. Not just any noise, but the loudest, most wonderful, most terrifying, most hair-raising noise ever.
He sat there, his heart beating for a few minutes, and he heard it again!Getting out of bed, he went running in the direction of the noise. It came again, making the hair on the back of his neck rise and his skin crawl. Finally, he came to a large door where the head monk was standing. The door was at least 15 feet tall, and made of solid-looking wood and metal. It had chains and bars and locks and a deadbolt on it, and was the most formidable door the man had ever seen.
"What was that sound?" he asked. "What made it? Is it behind that door?"
The head monk shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't tell you; you're not a monk."
As the man turned away, he heard the noise again. "You have to tell me what it is," he begged.
"I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you're not a monk," said the monk.
The man tried to sleep, but couldn't get the noise out of his head. In the morning, as he was getting ready to leave, he heard the sound again. It made his ears ring and his mind whirl.
"Please tell me what made that sound," he said.
But the monks wouldn't. "I'm sorry, you're not a monk" was all they said.
The man left, and eventually got his car fixed and went back to his life. But he couldn't get the sound out of his mind. After a few months, he got in his car and drove and drove until he found the monastery again. He got out of his car and found the head monk.
"I can't forget that sound from that night I was here. Please, please please tell me what made that sound."
The head monk just shook his head. "I can't tell you; you're not a monk," he said.
"Then tell me how I can become a monk," the man said.
The head monk said "It's very difficult. Are you sure you want to do this?"
The man said "I've got to. I have to know what made that sound."
The head monk said, "To join us, you have to perform several tasks. Your first task is to count all of the stars visible in the sky."
The man thought about how hard that would be, but he had to know what made that sound. He sat up every night for a year, counting the stars over and over until he was sure how many stars were visible in the sky.
He went to the head monk and told him, and the monk nodded. "Very good. Your next task is to count all of the grains of sand on the beaches around the world."
The man knew this would be even harder, but he could not get the noise out of his head. He had to know what, what kind of animal, could make that terrible horrible mind-bending sound. So he left on his journeys. He crawled the length and breadth of every beach in the world, counting the grains of sand, and he returned to the monastery years later.
The head monk heard his answer and nodded. "Excellent. You are almost done. Your final task is to climb to the peak of the highest mountain in the world, and see yourself in relation to the rest of creation."
And the man knew this would be hard, but he outfitted himself, and he went to the highest mountain in the world, and he climbed to the top, and returned months later, older and wiser and more tired than years before when he had first heard the noise, the noise that would not leave his mind and that echoed in his every waking thought.
He returned, and the head monk saw that he was wiser, and said "At last, you are a monk. Come with me."
And they walked through the monastery, its twisting and turning halls, and as they went the man heard the noise again, over and over, and he was no longer sure if it was the noise or merely his memory of it.
And finally, finally, he stood in front of the door and the head monk opened it up, and the man saw what had made the noise.
What was the noise?
I cant tell you, you are not a monk. :)
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other SLIDE. :D
You know you're a redneck if you think that TACO BELL is the Mexican phone company.
A blonde goes into a public restroom. After using the restroom, she goes over to the sink. She sees a big sign that says, "Employees must wash hands." After waiting for 45 minutes, she gives up and washes her own hands.
A blonde girl is standing at the gates of heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.
She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"
St. Peter replies, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."
She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to hell."
St. Peter says, "In hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."
She says, "That's okay at least I've already got holes for that."
The Pope had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while.
Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he got in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.
The blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his rearview mirror.
He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.When the trooper saw
who it was, he said, "Just a moment, please, I need to call in."
The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.
He said, "I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."
The chief replied, "Who is it, not Ted Kennedy again?"
The trooper said, "No, even more important."
It isn't the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?" asked the chief.
"No, even more important," replied the trooper.
"It isn't the President, George Bush, is it?"
"No, replied the trooper, "even more important.
"Well, WHO The HECK is it?!" screamed the chief.
The trooper responded :
"I don't know for sure but I think it might be Jesus, because his chauffeur is the Pope!"
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight.
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem i
When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he said "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, good luck Mr. Goorski."
For years, mission control tried to find what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski." They checked with Russian astronauts but could not locate Mr. Goorski. Until now, Neil would not reveal what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski."
Today in a press conference, he told reporters that years ago, when he was a young boy, he and his brother were playing ball when his brother hit the ball under their neighbor's bedroom window. When Neil went to retrieve the ball, he overheard his neighbor's wife, Mrs. Goorski, telling her husband, "ORAL SEX? I'LL GIVE YOU ORAL SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
okay so there are 3 girls and they are being followed by a man with a gun.soon, they get cornered in a dead end with a ladder at the end to escape.
"just give up" says the man and points the gun at girl 1.
"earthquake!" she says
the man turns around and girl 1 climbs the ladder and runs away.
"just give up!" he says and points the gun at girl 2
"tornado!" she says
the man turns around and girl 2 climbs the ladder and escapes.
"just give up!" the man says and points the gun at girl 3.
"fire!" she says and the man shoots her. lolololol