ok, first of all, you have to get rid of those negative thoughts.
brains are programmed so that if you smile, even for no reason, your spirits will be lifted.
so start smiling! randomly! at the most mundane stuff!
second of all, get a hobby. trust me, this is amazing free therapy. start writing all your feelings down in a journal or something, and they don't even have to be in poem form. just get everything written down on paper, and you'll start feeling so much better. or, you can start learning a musical intsrument, or start fishing, or gardening, or reading.
also, try to find a friend. now, they say that it's not you who picks your friends, but your friends who pick you. but try to start conversations with people, and don't stop anyone who starts talking to you and seems even a bit promising. friends make life a whole lot more worth living. and if you're lucky and find a best friend, you can start talking to them about your problems and feelings.
as for what you want to gain...just try harder. make a list of what it is you want, then a list of how you can achieve it. then a list of how to do those things. then throw everything you've got into doing those things! and don't you dare stop until you have what you want.
as for your brother...start talking to him. why do you get into fights? is there psychological reason? maybe something's bothering him, like he's getting bullied and wants to take out his anger on you?
and if nothing works out...don't kill yourself. that's never the answer. no on knows what "on the other side" and what if sucks? the best thing to do is just hang on for dear life until you're 18, then move as far away as possible and start from scratch.
i feel the same way... dont end your life tho, cos believe it or not people WILL miss you once your gone, and i KNOW that because people have told me that they'd miss me if i die and my by said he'd kill himself if i die or kill myself (yea, he love me as hard as it is 4 me 2 believe, LoL)
I remember feeling down one time and I came across a song that help me put things in perspective, the theme of the song was about how the small things in life make him/her happy. There′s so many ppl that have it worse then you and me, so don′t forget to pray and count your blessing.
first of all how old are you anyways?
if you are young, grow up, get over it, and if you cant
find some counseling because here... is just advice, you seem like a kid that just needs to understand that brothers fight