Question

Just needing some advice?

Okay, I am really confused as to what happened. I got married, we were both VERY happy about it. We are expecting a baby in Aug. No, no one pushed him into the marriage, he wanted to do it, he was excited to do it. A little over a week after we got married, he just all of a sudden changed his feelings and he don't know why. When we argue it's jokingly and we laugh and are fine, nothing serious. On Monday night, we got into an argument and of course things are said that aren't true when you hurt, confused, mad, and all them emotions, you know? I apologized for what I said. Then Tuesday when he came home it all started over again, this time it was him who like seemed like he wanted to argue about it. Not me. Anyways, that night, I offered to sleep on the couch since he told me that he doesn't know how he feels anymore and that he don't even know why. He told me not to go to the couch. He cuddled with me still, kissed me goodnight, and said he loved me, just like he does every night, even though we were arguing. I am a horrible mess. I left Wed and am still gone, so he can have his time and space. He ignored me all day yesterday wouldn't even send a text or pick up my phone call. Btw, I am 32 weeks pregnant today, so really something could happen and I could go into labor anytime. I left because us fighting isn't good on me, the baby, or my body. I asked him the other day if I could come home so we could just talk, he said he doesn't think it's a good idea because he needs his time and space. Anyways, I finally talked on the phone with him today for about 26 minutes. He told me that he is unhappy but he doesn't even know why he is unhappy. I mean, he really doesn't even know if it is me that is making him unhappy. He won't give me any answers to anything other than I don't know and I need time and space. I am going to be haven this baby soon, and I need to know what he wants. If I would have known, I wouldn't have married him just to turn around and get a divorce. I offered for us to go to counseling but he said he just doesn't know. He doesn't talk about his problems much. I have a feeling that it could all be stress. He has a lot on his plate, he's a full time college student, works part time, in the Army NG. Plus, he just got married and is expecting a baby. I'm sure he doesn't think he can be a good enough husband and father so he is just freaking out and stressing about it. Do you think it will change once he sees his baby being born? Could he be stressing that we won't have enough money to support ourselves and another life? I also have a lot of things on my plate, maybe not as much as him but I do. I go to college online, I'm pregnant, I work part time, and I am also in the NG. He KNOWS or SHOULD KNOW I'm not going to give up that easy, I want to work things out. As I said, I wouldn't have got married if I knew it would turn to a divorce after well two weeks today. I just don't understand how things were so great then all of a sudden changed. What is/are your opinions on the situation? If you need anymore information, just let me know.

His Mother and I were talking and she said that his father stressed out and what not when she was pregnant with his older brother wondering how he was going to raise his new family. So could he be just like his father? His Mother says he is just like him.

Sorry so long and thanks for your time. Please no stupid comments, I'm being serious and just need to talk to someone and get some advice. Possibly someone who has been through it before. I've tried to talk to him, but he wants his time and space so he doesn't want to talk about anything.

Answers

It looks like he's in a mid life crisis. This entire thing might not be what he expected and if that's the case it's really sad because I don't see where you did anything out of the ordinary. I would hope that he would want to do some sort of counseling to see if he can get his mind straight. This is really the best of the best part of married life. You're young and you're starting a family. Everything that goes with this is absolute treasure but he isn't seeing it. He needs someone to show him what he's missing out on. Find a counselor.

#1

Your marriage needs more help than Yahoo Answers can provide. You are 32 weeks pregnant. You should not have to leave your house. Sure, he might be stressed, but he has to realize that you are too.

It sounds like he might be dealing with a couple different things; perhaps depression, or a mid life crisis. Either way, you two need to go into counseling. For your sake, and for the sake of that baby you're about to have together. If he doesn't want to do it, gently remind him that this is not only for him, but for you - and for his family.

#2

I think that he is being a real jerk to do this to you right before you have a baby! This man is not a stand-up guy and I would not trust him anymore. You have been TOO understanding! He should be taking care of YOU and his unborn child now, not doing this selfish baby thing. I would stay with your parents (I hope that is where you are) and serve him with separation papers. If he can't be an adult then he doesn't need to be complicating your life right now any more. Stop pandering to him! If he is going to be the right husband for you and the right father for your baby, he will take the papers as a wake up call and work like the devil to get your trust back...if not, YOU DON'T WANT HIM! Your baby deserves to have its parents full attention, and while you are hung up on Mr. I can't be a good guy neither parent is thinking about what is best for the baby. I am so sorry that he is acting this way, you don't deserve that. May God watch over you and your child!

#3

You both are doing some dumb things that will ruin any marriage. You imply that everyone says things they don't mean, when they are angry and they don't! Its not fighting fair! So, you say something to him, and he is still angry about it the next day and continues the fight. You take no responsibility for what you said. You were wrong, and should apologize. Then, you leave the house. Why would you do that? How would leaving help your marriage? He didn't ask you to leave. You need to think about your actions, because it doesn't help. There would not be any stress, that could harm the baby if you weren't saying things, without thinking first, and then leaving him to give him his space. If you want to save this marriage, go to counseling, and be honest and so should he. He can't expect a relationship to work when he doesn't communicate, in that respect, he's screwing up your marriage as well, but its both of you, and you are contributing.

#4

You said "I'm being serious and just need to talk to someone and get some advice.".... It would be a whole lot better to find a real life person like a family member, pastor, older member of the community, friend, to sit and discuss this with you and your husband, face to face, rather than some random stranger on YA where you have to type a comment. One answer will not be adequate. You need a good old fashioned discussion. Since you posted this last night and it is here again, should be indication that this may not be the best avenue for this discussion. I answered your original question last night, so understand I am not trying to deter you from finding an answer. I see you also used some of the points from those answers to add to this question. This may just not be the place to really find answers for your particular situation. Good Luck!

#5