Question

I am horribly insecure in my relationship?

I Have such a wonderful boyfriend,when we DO get to see each other it is awesome.We don't see each other as often as we like due to lack of transportation.I feel SO bad that I analyze everything he says/does.Checking his FB seeing who he talks to.I get incredibly jealous over the smallest most innocent conversations he has with other females.Now I have never talked to him about my insecurities,I don't want to talk about it because it would probably be the worst thing I could do.I even took multiple online quizzes to see if he is cheating on me.Sad,I know.I Just miss him so much when we are apart and it kills me that we don't see each other often.I swear I have days when I am just so giddy and feeling like the luckiest girl to have him THEN there are days like I had Sunday when I just feel so emotional and angry at him and I really have no reason to be angry at him.I Just break down.I feel as if ,if I am not reassured that he loves me on a daily basis that I just fall apart.He tells me he loves me so often when we are together or talking on Facebook and he is ALWAYS first to say it.When we are apart I am always worrying that he may be with another girl messing around and I feel so bad for thinking this.He is the affectionate/sensitive yet a man's man type of guy.Why am I like this?I have been so depressed lately since the new year started.I don't really have anybody I hang out with.I am very shy and don't really socialize.I am looking for a job so I can get out of the house and socialize and actually have a life.But until then,I sit at home depressed and lonely with all this energy and nothing to use it on.MY mom is over protective too so that doesn't help at all.Can anybody help me?

Answers

I think nobody can help you.

It's not that you are being insecure in your relationship, you don't seem to love yourself which seems to be the root of your problem. That's why you care so much if someone will be with you or you are afraid if someone will leave you. If you loved yourself enough, you would be in life enjoying your own company and enjoying sharing some things of your life with others, and an average happy person. Instead, your day is good if all is good with him, not if you feel ok inside of you. Basically your day depends on someone elses actions or decisions. Obviousy if that's the way it is, you are constantly scared if some weird message arrives to his cell phone, which is nothing you can control.

The only one that can help you is yourself, and is by starting to love yourself, start by loving small things and distinguish what is like and love, and start for yourself, that is the only way someone later will love you. Another way to look at this is to think, who will ever love someone, if that person doesn't even love himself/herself. I think it will truly help you if you stop caring of what he does, which you can if you care more about loving yourself, automatically you will start caring less of what you can't control, but you are grabbing a handle in life by things that you can control, yourself. Nobody can help you, only you can help yourself, and if it was something that truly complicates your life and you needed professional help, they can only help you if you want to be helped. But nobody can truly solve your life, because it's your life.

#1

I used to feel like that with my boyfriend, thing is, he is so caring towards me. Anyway when got like that a friend of mine told me "if he's gonna cheat he will cheat and there is nothing you can do about it and more fool him if he did, so relax and just enjoy the relationship". It was the best bit f advice ever and now because i am more relaxed my boyfriend responds better to me now and we are happy as we always have been.

#2

I stopped reading when you said you have not talked to him about your insecurities. There's your problem, lack of communication is going to cause a problem in a relationship. I felt insecure during my marriage and I expressed my insecurities with my husband. I told what causes it and he fixed it because he does not want me feeling insecure. You have to communicate, express your insecurities with your boyfriend and see if he will take it into consideration to help make you feel more secure in your relationship. If you do not communicate, you will become more and more bitter over time and then possibly start acting like a crazy gf. I have seen it happen, let's prevent that from happening. Talk to him.

#3

You need some counseling. That sounds obsessive and unhealthy. Stalking him every second you aren't together is a sign of serious problems in your head. You need to work on that.

#4