Question

Coping with divorce, does it get easier?

My husband of 20 years left the family home earlier this year because he had been involved for quite a long time with another woman, and he could not give her up at all. He really wanted to be with her so that seemed to be that. He tried to hide the relationship for a long time, and it has been very traumatic.

I was coping ok to begin with, or so i thought. But recently i have found myself really struggling with emotions, and just also feeling really low and crying an awful lot. We will probably have to sell this house, and i feel very pressured into making what are big decisions rather quickly.

I live somewhere that i love very much, and having to lose my marriage and my home at the same time is really hurting me.

I have some friends who support me very well, but i know also that i have to take time out alone to heal. I just miss my family so much, even though the last year was not perfect.

Does it get easier? it just feels really bad at this time.

Answers

Yes it does get easier the body is a good self healer, but it's a slow process I'm afraid. Crying is normal it's your bodies natural pressure relief valve. Good friends are those who give you space but always there for you when you need them.

Best of luck in these difficult times. The sun will start shinning again soon.

#1

That is a very difficult thing to go through. I think your only way to get through it is to go straight through- all the sad and horrible feelings, just experience them and let them change you and let them make you stronger. After an experience like that you will become a much stronger person. Here is a quote that might help-

"Sometimes, contentment is a matter of will. You have to look at what you have right in front of you, at what it could be, and stop measuring it against what you've lost. I know this to be wise and true, just as I know that pretty much no one can do it."

— This is where I leave you by Jonathan Tropper

#2

Don't feel pressure yet, until your attorneys can work things out. You will be surprised that you may get more than you thought. My ex did the same to me and he is an attorney. He told me that I'd get about $1000 in child support and alimony and I get more than 5 times that amount! I have been living in the house for 2 yrs beyond our divorce. I am still dealing with housing issues 4 yrs after he filed and 2 yrs after the divorce. It is not fun, but I'm sure you will have some choices that you aren't aware of and wont be aware of until the divorce is near its end. My ex told me that we'd have to sell our vacation home and we haven't had to do that. At some point, I will have to make choices, but let me tell you that they don't just kick you out and he will be surprised at the choices he has to make and it wont be so fun for him either! Good luck!

#3