Question

Why is it so hard for people to respect sadness and solitude?

Is it because sadness and solitude inconveniences people? Does it make them uncomfortable?

Why do people insist on forcing happiness or a carefree attitude onto others, if what they truly want is a moment to be sad and cry?

Today is my 15th birthday. I don't want to be happy, to celebrate in anyway. I just want to cry and be left alone. It is my first birthday without my mother who passed away the last day of May. People keep fussing over me and asking me to do things, to take my mind off my loss etc.

But I do not want to. Is it such a hard thing to understand?

Answers

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

You are right in observing that sadness and any negative feeling have turned into an inconvenience for a lot of people. Just observe how preachy and simplistic the answers above are. People refuse to acknowledge that wanting to be happy and forcing yourself to smile isn't quite enough each and every time.

Yes, happiness is a choice, but is isn't an easy one. Many of us cannot simple wake up everyday and smile to be happy. It takes much more than that, and I completely believe that to be happy we also need to grieve, to experience anger, defeat and profound sadness. Otherwise, how can we know we are choosing happiness? If we have never experienced sorrow and loss, then our happiness is just a shallow exercises and not a worthwhile effort.

Sadness and mourning do not lead to suicide. Hiding your true feelings, repressing and being expected to put up a happy mask will. Cry as much as you want. Feel and experience each and every tear you shed for your mother and do not let other people shame you for not simply being a happy, mindless dork.

I have lost my mother too. I know the chocking, overpowering sadness that doesn't go away and having people hovering over us, telling us to basically smile and get over it are a waste of your time and space. Be alone. Be in the dark. The light and the joy of life will be waiting for you when you are ready to face them, but if today is a dark day, then embrace your sorrow. Don't fight it.

As for the others... it takes a truly empathetic, sensitive person to share a sad day with a loved one instead of expecting them to be happy because it makes things easier for us. Being around a person who is sad and mourning is "icky", it is complex, we don't know what to say, it makes us anxious, so the dumb and the common people will expect you to be happy... because happy is easy to handle and be around to. If these people truly care about you, they will be patient, considerate and supportive, or at least try their best.

Good luck...and ehmm... happy birthday?

#1

Their way is actually better. Wallowing, getting more and more depressed is no way to cope. It can even lead to suicide. What you need to do is celebrate her life, not obsessively mourn it and have a destructive attitude.

They are being the way they are because they want to be helpful. And they grieve too, but may not fully understand why you don't want to be around other people. You need to learn coping mechanisms other than hiding and being morose. You need counseling for one thing.

Crying and being alone will not bring your mother back. It will only take you to a deeper darker place. Why not plant a garden to memorialize your mother? Spend your time gardening in her memory instead of hiding.

#2

Life is about choices, unfortunately death is not a choice(unless you're talking about suicide). I know how it feels to lose a loved one, all you want to do is cry and even then crying isn't enough. I know this sounds cliche but do you think your mom would want you to be miserable. It's normal to mourn and to feel sad but you have to start enjoying your life. I am so sorry about your lost but people in your life just want to see you happy and see you smile. You don't have to celebrate your birthday if you don't want to. But try to find happiness in life and joy! Wish you most luck and Happy Birthday

#3

Why can't people who are aimlessly sad come to understand happiness?

#4

It's not hard to understand, but most people (parents and those who love you) can not STAND to see your misery -- they just want you to be happy. To them, that's more important than your privacy.

Sorry, but that's the way it is.

#5